CHAPTER THREE.

POST-PRODUCTION.

As I drove Kristianna in my car to get a bite to eat in Pasadena, Kristianna opened up to me more than ever before, at least on the subject of Jonathan and her.

“I noticed something was odd when I came to pick you up.” I started.
“I mean, first of all, why did he call me and then drive you down to the coffee shop? Why couldn't I just pick you up at the house?”

“Oh, God ...” she laughed, out of stress more than anything.

“What is it?” I smiled back at her as I continued to drive.

“You have no idea what I've been going through with him ...”

“Tell me!” I laughed in relief and frustration. “I've been wondering ever since I met you two what the hell was going on.”

“What do you think it is? I'm curious to hear what you've thought all this time.”

“Well ... I don't know ... I guess he's really into you, isn't he?”

“That's putting it mildly!” she laughed again.

“You know, for a while I thought Jonathan was gay, and that's why the two of you could live together and work together on projects as well.”

“That's funny! Maybe he is!” she continued to laugh.

“But he can't be gay and into you at the same time, can he?”

“Maybe he's confused.”

“So, you two have been in a relationship this whole time?”

“Not really. We never had sex.”

“What? Then ...”

“Yeah. Never. We've slept in the same bed but nothing every happened.”

“I don't get it.”

“Didn't you notice on the first day of the shoot, at the apartment on the beach, when you and Maya did the sex scene on our bed, that he was acting weird?”

“I just figured he was kinda goofy or nervous.”

“He's that, too.” she said with another laugh.

“I still don't understand ... he's ... what? In love with you but you've never had sex with him, and you've slept in the same bed, and he gets jealous of you being with me, but really nothing romantic has ever happened between you?”

“Right. Kind of.”

“It doesn't make sense.” I had to smile.

She then went on to explain her relationship with Jonathan. They met at the film school in Chicago, hanging out and doing projects with the circle of friends they had there, which included Celebrity. Shortly before they all graduated, Jonathan convinced Kristianna they'd make good collaborating on film work in Los Angeles, as he'd just gotten a positive response from the Korean-owned production company.

From the beginning, the tone that had been set was friendship, and then on their way to Los Angeles, a professional and creative collaboration. Once in Los Angeles, they stayed at friends' houses or at motels until Jonathan got the small one-bedroom on the Santa Monica beach. A month into Los Angeles and this, apparently, was when Jonathan started to fall in love with Kristianna.

In one drunken night at a motel room, right before the move to the Santa Monica apartment, Jonathan declared his love for her. He made it clear, though, his love was not sexual. He didn't need to make love to her and he was completely devoted to her with an undying love without sex. So when they moved into the apartment, they decided to sleep in the same bed, but would never do anything physical. There wasn't enough room for a second bed and so since their relationship was platonic, it seemed to work out.

But it was confusing. If Jonathan had this powerful love for Kristianna, why didn't he want their relationship to be physical? Kristianna explained to me she made it clear she wasn't interested in anything more than friendship. So Jonathan wanted Kristianna to feel comfortable with her knowing all he wanted was friendship. And he'd prove it to her by not ever touching her in a suggestive way.

This was why, Kristianna explained, when I was so touchy-feely with her during the shoot, Jonathan acted weird. If he couldn't touch her, no one should. I never felt Jonathan was supremely jealous nor stand-offish the whole time we were worked together. She said, though, Jonathan instigated a lot of the goofing around with cast and crew as a way to throw my concentration off. I had no idea.

The real troubles between Jonathan and Kristianna came about in the last few months while working on the movie in Atlanta. One time while the two of them were driving alone from L.A. to Atlanta, once again in a motel room, Jonathan let his bleeding heart be more revealed than usual. This time, unfortunately, his 'undying love' for her got ugly. He threw a major fit, violently smashing things in the room, cursing her, threatening her.

Jonathan screamed and screamed, saying he wanted to marry her, have children with her, and if she didn't want that he'd kill himself. The rest of the drive she was in a constant state of fear, not knowing if at any moment he might snap and kill them both.

I was perplexed to the extreme. If he was acting this way, why was she staying around him? She explained that she needed to stay with the production company in order to get a permanent working visa and unfortunately the company wouldn't let Jonathan go. She was also concerned not only for her own safety but for Jonathan's, if she were to cut all ties to him. I felt, though, the more she stayed around Jonathan, the more it'd feed into his desperation. And, really, she should put her life before his. He'd get over it in time.

I thought of the inevitable next. I asked if the main thing for her was getting the working visa to stay in the country, then why not marry me to get citizenship? She turned to me, not expecting that. At first, she said it was okay, that it wasn't necessary, but as I insisted she seemed to like the idea. Then doubts came into her mind. What if she liked me more than as a friend? What if I liked her more, too? Was she attracted to me? Was I to her? What would happen if we got married just so she could get her citizenship then later something sexual happened? That would complicate things, obviously. Or what if I got romantically into her, but she wasn't inclined to reciprocate?

The situation seemed too risky. She decided – mulling over the questions only to herself – not to go for it. She would not marry me. After everything that happened with Jonathan she didn't want to take any chances. Just to be safe, she would keep her distance from me. Of course, she didn't tell me this as we had a friendly conversation over lunch in Pasadena. I had no idea what she must've been thinking about at that time. Now, though, I realize this must've been what she was running through her mind.